Negativity

I haven't done this is a while, and it feels good. It's really difficult but it feels good to write and get my feelings and thoughts out. The movement of my fingers and I type is cathartic; therefore, I'm a pretty loud typer. 

I started a new job recently, last month, but I'm steadily ruining it. I don't know how to apologize or change what's wrong. And I feel like that is a major flaw of mine, not only at work but I'm life. I'm slow to change and I don't know how to show others that I'm trying to get better, do better, when I regress. I appreciate being held accountable. I just don't want to lose my job. Not only do I need it...I actually like it. 

Another thing that is going on is...well, I'm starting to miss my friends. I don't feel like I see them a lot or connect as well with them as I would like to. 

Another thing is...I don't feel pretty. I don't feel myself. Pretty shouldn't matter, but it does to me. I like to like the way that I look. I haven't been taking care of my body, and my body betrays me by showing it. I've gained weight, my skin is dry and discolored, my hair is brittle and has lost its curl, my fingernails are dirty. It's embarrassing. I'm scared of the next person who will notice. My room is a mess and I'm too ashamed to invite anyone over.